Commissioner Bud Selig announced today that after months of speculation, the Houston Astro’s have been sent down to AAA. The commissioner cited an obscure rule that allows any Major League team to be demoted to another league after months of extreme suckage.
“We feel that it would be best if the Astro’s work out their problems as a franchise in an environment that is low pressure and out of the public eye,” Said Selig at the surprise announcement, “There were high hopes that they would be able to put it all together this year, but clearly it was time to pull the plug.”
When asked what his feelings were about the demotion, Houston GM Ed Wade stated that he wasn’t the least surprised.
“If you take a look at our roster, it really isn’t surprising. The only player I knew of before the season started was Wandy Rodriguez. Our second basemen is Jose Altuve, who the hell is that?
Redhawks GM Michael Byrnes said he’s ecstatic about the call-up but he wishes it wasn’t at the expense of the Astro’s.
“I’m thrilled that we’re getting the chance to show what we can do. It’s unfortunate about the Astro’s because they have great potential to be a franchise for years to come. Hopefully they can put it all together and maybe get back here for a September call-up.”
Selig immediately nixed the idea of a September recall.
“Absolutely not. Not even a remote chance. We plan on making sure they’re ready for the big leagues this time around. The franchise got off to a hot start and we thought that they were the real deal, but once the other teams figured out to just not to pitch to Hunter Pence and Michael Bourn, it was all downhill.”
Before leaving the press conference, Selig also sent out a warning to the Chicago Cubs and Baltimore Orioles.
“If the Cubs and Orioles can’t put it all together real quick, they could also be looking at being sent down. It’s been 103 years for Chicago to have last won a World Series. Something’s wrong there. And Baltimore. They just plain suck.”
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