Dan Uggla Inconsolable After Discovering World of Warcraft Account Hacked

Dan Uggla looks on shortly before descending into hysteria

Atlanta Braves second baseman Dan Uggla was found sobbing in the corner of the locker room this morning, following the shocking discovery that his WoW account had been hacked.

Many of Uggla’s teammates have attempted to comfort him, but so far have had no success.  Catcher Brian McCann even graciously offered to give Uggla his account, but this only made Uggla angry with the catcher.

“I was a level 68 night elf!” Uggla managed to choke out between sobs, “I don’t want your f*cking level 17 dwarf!!  I could get a new account to level 17 in a couple days!  You’re a f*cking noob!!!  Keep your piece of sh*t dwarf and leave me alone!!  I poured the last two years of my life into that account and now it’s all just been taken away!  What am I supposed to do now!!  It’s true, the second you love something it all just gets taken away!”

Uggla then curled into the fetal position and once again began weeping uncontrollably.

When asked if Uggla would be in the lineup tonight, Manager Freddy Gonzalez responded by saying that he doesn’t think he’s in any condition to play for the next week, let alone tonight.

“Dan Uggla will be out of the lineup for at least the next week and possibly the next two.  We hope to be able to put him on the disabled list, just as soon as we get clearance from MLB that a broken heart is an injury in which a trip to the DL is needed.

Starting pitchers Derek Lowe and Tim Hudson were seen on the opposite side of the clubhouse snickering while playing World of Warcraft on Hudson’s laptop. MLB plans to launch a full investigation into Lowe and Hudson.