Monday 22 August 2011

Adam Dunn Plays Against Children to Boost His Confidence

After hitting a miserable .169 so far this season, Adam Dunn had lost all confidence in himself. He was desperately trying to find a way to end his atrocious slump, and the solution came at a community baseball diamond, where there was an 11-and-under tournament going on.

“I was driving home after another terrible game,” said Dunn. “I had just gone 0-5 with 3 strikeouts and felt like sh*t. Then I drove by this ball diamond where a bunch of kids looked like they were having fun, and I thought I would stop by and maybe sign a couple autographs. But then before you know it, they were begging for me to play with them, and I just couldn’t resist.”


Dunn took the field as a pitcher, and all of the kids could hardly wait for their turn to bat against Dunn. He started by lobbing them pitches underhand, but before long he was throwing as hard as he could, laughing hysterically every time he struck somebody out.

“I was so happy that my son was getting a chance to hit off of Adam Dunn,” said one of the parents, “But then all of a sudden he starts chucking 85mph fastballs and he’s laughing like a maniac. My son was terrified.”

Dunn then took his turn at batting practice, and the kids happily ran out to the field to shag the balls. The first pitch he saw was a fat one right over the middle of the plate, and he ripped it way out of the park. He then proceeded to hit one deep to dead center, and stared down the coach after, even saying: “Hey coach! You got nothing on me!”

The coach then told him that he needed to leave, but he begged for one more pitch. The coach reluctantly agreed, and Dunn proceeded to rip a sharp liner that struck one of the kids square in the temple. In the chaos that ensued, Dunn was able to slip away quietly.

In an interview the next morning, Dunn was absolutely brimming with confidence.

“My slump is going to end tonight! I am certain of it. I’m going to hit one home run for sure, and maybe even two or three. I’ve definitely found my home run swing again.”

When asked about the incident with the line drive, Dunn said he felt it was the kids fault, not his.

“It’s not my fault he can’t catch,” said Dunn. “I hit it right at him, and I didn’t realize he was going to stand there like an idiot and let it hit him in the face. I just don’t see how that could possibly be my fault.”

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