Adam Dunn Plays Against Children to Boost His Confidence

After hitting a miserable .169 so far this season, Adam Dunn had lost all confidence in himself. He was desperately trying to find a way to end his atrocious slump, and the solution came at a community baseball diamond, where there was an 11-and-under tournament going on.

“I was driving home after another terrible game,” said Dunn. “I had just gone 0-5 with 3 strikeouts and felt like sh*t. Then I drove by this ball diamond where a bunch of kids looked like they were having fun, and I thought I would stop by and maybe sign a couple autographs. But then before you know it, they were begging for me to play with them, and I just couldn’t resist.”

Dunn took the field as a pitcher, and all of the kids could hardly wait for their turn to bat against Dunn. He started by lobbing them pitches underhand, but before long he was throwing as hard as he could, laughing hysterically every time he struck somebody out.

New York Mets Sign Air Bud to Multi-Year Deal

Air Bud while on the set of Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch

In an effort to stabilize the position of right field, currently held by Jason Pridie, the New York Mets decided to sign well known sports playing dog Air Bud to a 3 year 15 million dollar contract.  The signing came after GM Sandy Alderson saw the movie Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch and was very impressed with the talent he saw from the golden retriever. 

“We’re very happy to have Air Bud coming on board with the team.”Alderson told the media, “I understand that there may be scepticism over the signing of a dog, but we checked and apparently there is no rule against dogs playing baseball.  He will be much better than Jason Pridie ever will be, I promise you that.  There may be a problem with throwing the ball but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Air Bud has already gotten acquainted with his teammates and he seems to already be the most well liked player on the team, except by left fielder Jason Bay who says he is more of a cat person.

MLB Officially Apologizes to Fans of Terrible Teams

The Marlins play the Nationals
with 35 fans in attendance

Commissioner Bud Selig held a press conference last night where he apologized to all of the fans who had to watch their team play like absolute sh*t this year. The teams he included were the Astros, the Royals and the Orioles.

“On behalf of everybody involved with the MLB, I would like to formally apologize to the fans of certain teams who played downright awful this year. As a Yankees fan, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to watch a team that is 33.5 games back in their division, or a team where their best pitcher is Jake Arrieta. It’s not fair, and from the bottom of our hearts, we’re sorry that you had to go through that.”